Do you know how when animals have surgery they put those cones around their heads so they can't lick their wounds so they can heal? I think someone should invent that for human emotions.
Drunken candy land NOW. Dont fight the urge... you want to.
Beverly Hills, 90210. Cleveland Browns, 0.
You asked the officer if he could bring you to the same jail as T.I.
finally achieved: got laid in the religion section of borders. thought you should know.
you haven't felt a hangover until you wake up after a night of snorting tequila.
Things were easy when he was just a penis. Now he's a penis with feelings.
A "Tom-vomit" is when you puke but cough as it comes up, so you close you mouth as a natural reaction and the vomit is jet-propelled out your noise.
We were fucking while the tv was on, and one of those animal cruelty commercials came on. We then switched over and started doing it doggy style. It was then that I realized that I'm going to hell.
Pretty sure I just puked up sand. And nothing else.
Can you bring me a corn dog or something shaped like one?
Just fat and dog and sweat all over the bed. All night long.
I just saw my 7th grade teacher at the club. We had a pretty good talk over drinks. Turns out we both like dancing on tables.
Also not to brag but I got high last night and got us a host family in a chateau in the south of France
I have peed in a lot of sinks
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