I'd rather watch my mom take a shit while reading the sunday new york times than watch mama mia .
My professor just suggested making the state of the union more interesting by turning it into a drinking game. Brilliant!!
just took a shot of real whiskey... i forgot what it's like to drink liquor that costs more than twelve dollars.
Honestly, I don't care if the only reason she gave me her beer was because she was bisexual and wanted to touch my vagina. Beer is beer.
the meat mosque collapsed into the alcohol moat
so, what part of "he's slept with a guy" do you not understand?
I think she's going to be dangerous to drink with, but I'm ready for the adventure.
So my roommate and I have a written agreement stating that if he tries to sleep with his ex girlfriend, I have to immediately intervene and nut punch him then send her on her way.
this is the most serious roommate agreement ever
Ok thats it i need a list. Full names, nicknames, in which frats, with a photo, of all the guys youve hooked up with because three of the same guys is ridiculous
Only ESPN could find the two ugly girls from a school in Florida
If I stopped drinking I'd have to take up murdering.
Idk, but the girl in his story had really nice eyebrows and was singing The Climb. How about you CLIMB the fuck away from my man
FORGET THE EYEBROWS
He screamed, "Let there be light!" when he came
I am eating croutons on my bathroom floor. Are you happy?!
My life is far to together for someone who's such a hot mess inside
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