i just woke up in the hallway. not my hallway. i officially raise my hand to be DD next week.
The best part was her genuine shock and total "I didn't know" look when we said she couldn't cook a steak in a microwave.
I opened my browser to a doctor page titled "serious pain under left side of ribcage". Last night must have been healthy.
I'm drinking keystone with a homeless man I found. It's making me feel uncomfortable.
when does it stop being whiskey dick and start just being me bad in bed?
It's pretty bad that I know he's opening his door from the way it squeaks because I have snuck out of his room so many times this semester...
did you really just refer to me me as an old fashioned penis?
he was holding the bottle like a running back yelling for security and the national guard as he was being tackled
Looks like breakfast in bed is out the window. She can't get up because I "fucked her into paralysis." My stomach is not happy with my dick right now
WHEN DID YOU SAY YOU COME BACK BC I GOT INVITED TO A KEG WAR PARTY
I reek of vagina.. My cab driver commented.
It's 4 am here and I just vomited myself awake....Not rising OR shining any time soon
When are your genitals available?
She pinched my nipples too hard I THINK THEYRE GONE
I TOLD YOU ABOUT GOTH CHICKS BRO. I WARNED YOU
I’m getting back at my ex and training my new boy toy how to properly satisfy a woman. I’m killing two birds with one dick.
Randomize
