Tell LD happy birthday and party like it's $19.99
Recession joke.
i want to give my vagina back to god and say no thank you
I hate the awkward morning-after-I-took-your-virginity conversations.
Convinced the bartender that I'm a congressman. Free Drinks. God bless America.
good thing vaginas are great cup holders
I still think it's messed up that you're naming your kids after all the guys you slept with in college
Ask if he wants his tooth back. It's in the freezer. In the box of hotpockets.
My time here is complete. I think I have now thrown up in every major degree programs building
This is the second girl that said she wanted to fuck me while wearing a clown nose. Fuck online dating
Chasing my kid around a 30' jungle gym was not how I envisioned spending the day off work to recover from a vasectomy.
Hydrocodon makes you feel like a fairy made out of pudding
Only thing that feels right is being horizontal in the fetal position
As your friend, I promise I will drink a full bottle of vodka and belly slide down the stairs with you if that test is positive
Its like he got lessons from Jesus on how to use his tongue. And his dick.
Noooo no no no no. She scares me. She means business. She wore a diaper when we went to the bar.
Randomize
