i just renamed my vag "the sorting hat"
under NO circumstances is it acceptable to fist pump to taylor swift
I don't know, I don't really wanna ask the question, "Mom why am I not circumcised?"
I think Charlie st. Cloud is the saddest thing I can masturbate to.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
No, not at all. Pulling a condom out of your vag at 2pm is NOTHING like finding $10 in your winter coat. Stop trying to make me feel better.
Tonights dinner consisted of washing down my plan b pill with a bottle of wine and toast. College is turning my life around
Its not that I don't mind giving her as much as my penis as she wants, its the post sex cigarette I have to supply. Shits $9 a pack.
Put a tip jar next to your bed from now on.
Your good ideas are reason #4 we need to live together.
Serious question...Is it possible to get a DUI on a kayak?
Court can wait. right now you and your magic penis need to be here satisfying me.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
i swear, you were born with a blunt in one hand and somebody else's wallet in the other.
I can't get over how you look like his sister and he wants to fuck you.
It's 1am and I'm on LSD and I have diarrhea in a Dunkin Donuts. Help me
Which sister was it? The one I accidentally hit when my shoe flew off or the one I ate candy off of when we were high?
I melted cheese on my pizza rolls. When I die make sure someone melts cheese on my rolls.
By the way, you totally deserve "i got a job sex".
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