just cut a line with my blood donor card...i feel like it will help remind me that i was once a productive member of society.
when the lights went off, all i could see was the glowing of the camera light in the closet... i got the fuck out of there so fast.
My student's should feel privledged to see me tuesday after the amount of alcohol I consumed this weekend.
Well if I am having twins, at least I'll finally have 2 kids by the same father.
I just sniffled when I woke up and got a bump of coke. I have never felt so good hung over.
dude. this chick is staring at me like i gave her brother herpes.
Maybe the downfall to liking really smart guys is that they're to smart to think about sex all the time.
I just recognized Courtney in a crowded Trader Joe's solely by seeing her ass. In other news, I survived the first round of layoffs today.
I'm not sure which feat is more impressive...
My boobs are feeling quite sensitive so I told them, " you is smart, you is kind, you is important" that should do the trick.
You shut your whore mouth, we don't talk about Drunk Nutella night.
I'd let you fuck my husband in the future, that's how much I love you
I stopped hooking up with him and ran to the bathroom to throw up. He saw me throwing up and it made him throw up
He's balder, I'm skinnier. I win. I. Win.
just woke up on the floor of my shower...it was still runnning
What's the best way to tell a guy he can call me when his impending divorce is finalized?
Randomize
