did he really ask u insert a warm banna in ur anal?
just met our mailman at a party, he asked me out. i said yes, but only if he picks me up in the mail truck. how jealous are you
I'm paying a homeless guy $20 to follow me around bars tonight with a boombox playing the theme to Rocky.
the world took limewire and four lokos away from me in one week....hello depression
If you're trying to piece together your night, I can tell you where those tassels came from.
remember to ask your mom about the name of her pet duck so we can name the bowl
He played the same pre-sex songs as his brother...
Breathalizer & tazer party did not go as casually as expected.
Sometimes I envy you, when I'm not praying for your soul.
Hamster emergency. Can u come in here
His penis could choke an elephant. A baby elephant... But an elephant non the less.
EMERGENCY FRIEND CRISIS: WE HAVE TOO MUCH WHISKEY. ABORT HANGING OUT WITH MELISSA, RECOMMEND TO HANG OUT WITH OUR WHISKEY INSTEAD
I was drunk, he was taking a bodyshot while avoiding my piercing. I told him I loved him. He waited until I woke up with my hangover to say he loved me too. It was hangover magic.
"Are we not going to talk about how you got so drunk that you swallowed someone's pet gold fish, whole?"
Is it sad the checkout lady had to inform my mom she can't buy alcohol before 8am?
Randomize
