True Life: I hate vaginal excretions
She put her phone in her underwear and it somehow managed to work it's way into her vagina. she has a BLACKBERRY.
his dick got so hard in his pants and it broke his zipper
I just smoked pot in front of my old Elementary School. It's like my Childhood and Adulthood are coming together in this awesome thing.
If I had KNOWN you and mom were coming to visit, I wouldn't have passed out in the frat. This is why I hate surprises.
the bride spent most of the night apologizing to people she had punched earlier.
about 90% sure I fell off a roof. It hurts BAD. Don't suppose you're still in town?
yup haha I infact DID fall off a roof. Want some bomb ass omlettes?
I woke up this morning in the house, I didn't realize it was physically possible to duct tape a person to the wall...
Full contact beer pong was definitely not my best idea.
Everyone here knows my boyfriend as "Half Baked". Life, he's doing it right.
Do not tell me that that is not the face of a man who has sex with goats.
my friend was passed out in the bathroom so I threw up in the coffee maker, not the pot the water reservoir that kind of drunk.
Why is there a business card for people who need bail bonds in my wallet...
How’s the date going?? Do you think he’s gonna cut your face off and wear it to his birthday party?
She was gone when I unblacked out, but she had nailed her panties to the wall and wrote “Colleen’s Dick”with a sharpie on the wall. No idea where she got a hammer and nail
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