i just realized that we are the poor version of bethenny and jill from real housewives... and I'm jill. this is a 6.5 on the depressing scale
at least we're not in new jersey
Please stop trying to convince people that you're retarded and I suck your dick in the same conversation.
Want updates from david's night out drinking? If so text back DAVID to this number. Std rates apply.
Don't worry about it. I've taken so much Plan B, my uterus is purely for show now.
ps if your frozen peas taste like crotch it's because some dude kicked me in the nuts while trying to do a keg stand and I needed an ice pack
No, fuck buddies don't get birthday party privledges...
Sorry.
You should not be allowed to go away on the weekends I plan on getting drunk on. I need someone to stop me from punching this guy in the face. It's simple room mate etiquette.
preface to our conversation: my vagina hurts.
It was awful. He had a wife
And now you've had a year of virgin penance. Absolve yourself.
We're gonna be late. Scott went too far predrinking amd tried pierce his own lip with a poptab. Save me a beer, i'm gonna need it.
Mind if I sleep with your cousin? If I can... thanks. If no, sorry its gonna happen.
Quick question, did I crash teeth with you when I snogged you, or did I headbutt something between the car and the bed last night?
My arm is completely dead, never again will i give you a 20 minute hand job. You better have enjoyed that asshole. I have to text with my left hand now.
oh.. my GOD my dad just text me... "i need a naked women" ........... help?
You left your phone here
Wait...
Randomize
