Update from family reunion: my aunt Janet once got her legs stuck behind her head. The fire department had to be called.
just saw my sister at the strip club... dont think she's "taking a night class over the summer"
so I smoked with the leasing agent of the apartment complex. Of corse I am going to take this one
Your kinda stuck between a rock and his hard dick on this one..
He just called me juicy booty via text message.
The dingo escaped by eating a hole through my screen door. It's loose in the city somewhere.
Well, I'm getting my ex-boyfriend to get me a z pack to cure the chlamydia I got from my married fuck buddy so that I can fuck one of my students.
Hey do you know who I showed my dick to at the bar last night?
Well it's 2pm. Time for another game of "Who, What, Where". The game where you try to guess who this girl is, what happened last night, and where'd your shit go. I'm going for 1/3 today.
That's better than I've done so far.
Please tell me you're not playing strip poker with your cousins again
I just had a spiritual connection with my sweater and did ballet in the hallway. Alone. I'd say we're gonna chalk that up as a win for marijuana and call it a night
If you can't trust the person at the taco cabana drive thru, who can you trust?!
i pushed adam in a shopping cart for 15 blocks, then we realized we left tyler downtown
did you go back and get him?
nah we went to a karaoke bar instead, so worth it
You were licking skittles to check if they were "halucinateizers" so no, you are not leaving the house while on antibiotics.
She asked me if I could do that to her every single time. I said nope. sometimes it's better.
Randomize
