Lavender boy was great at seduction and crappy in bed.
i lose more brain cells when ever she opens her mouth then i would doing meth for 8 years of my life.
he let me wear his jacket and there was a magnum and a bowl in his pocket ... I think im in love
Going to bed. I have to wake up early and teach small children. And then have affairs with their fathers. I'm going to get deported.
I found the perfect eye liner, it passed the blow job test, no smudging!!
Well, that's a 3 inch weight lifted off of my vagina
I found out that my first kiss was an Italian. Even in kindergarden i knew size mattered.
My bed became a clown car for his family....I'm not ready to get married
why does he always try to puke into shot glasses
I'm helping my Mormon ex boyfriend from high school embrace his inner cross dresser. This is truly god's work.
So he drunk messaged me last night telling me he wants a baby. Think I should call his bluff?
Last night I got drunk on margaritas at an Irish pub and came home with only one shoe. I have to get my shit together.
You really know how to show Monday who's boss.
Can we table this discussion? The roommate is out of town and I have to eat pie on the couch in my underwear.
THERE IS WEED IN MY OVEN. HOW AM I EVER SUPPOSED TO MAKE CHICKEN PARMESAN WITH WEED IN MY OVEN.
We're sitting on the kitchen floor drinking and talking about mounting real light sabers to the dog's head.
Randomize
