She stopped mid-blowjob to introduce herself to us
I smuggled my gin and tonic out of the bar by shoving the glass in my pocket...mistakes were inevitable.
I pretty much just threw a bunch of clothes and my vodka in a bag..idk where I'm gonna end up tonight but I'm prepared.
Your job is getting in the way of our day drinking. Shots on the hour are not as cool alone.
Do you have any idea how hard it is to concentrate on legal issues with the ghost of his giant penis in me?
Bad news? she threw her drink in his face, left her phone at the club, and disappeared. I found her laying in bed with the bottle she stole from our VIP service. Good news is she's asleep and I have the bottle, come home
The only explanation I can think of is that he still likes me. Which gives me an enormous amount of power over him and makes me laugh with malicious intent.
If I don't go to Australia I'm using that towards a new car. If I do I'll use it to buy a koala.
i really need to shower, but i don't want to take off my bra and lose my cleavage. the struggle
Do you rver get that feeling like their are poprocks filling ur boday?
I'm hoarding IKEA meatballs in my purse
I just made some sangria and taking a roadie on my stroller walk around the hood! Parenting at its finest
You can't die you're my only democrat family member
Doing blow in the bathroom isnt the same without you
Do a rail off the baby station in my honor
Every text my dad sends me is an AA mantra. Might be time to take a look at my life.
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