So she said she wears a diaper when she's on her period and I'm not going to lie, I kind of want to see the diaper.
just spent all of my last class as a college student, vomiting in the bathroom. its moments like these i will cherish
How much explanation does bbqsexapalooza need?
There's a skateboard on the patio and all the chips are gone. The note on the fridge says 'don't buy cheese'. Stop letting her go outside.
New development. Drinking at work is so easy and awesome I might have to do it everyday.
Just once I'd like to throw a party where I don't have to clean up someone else's blood the next morning.
We never did figure out who the stuff on the wall came from, did we?
i've been lying on top of my bed for the past 20 minutes
i'm about to blow half an adderall though and try to rally
I rang in the new year by giving a lap dance to a Lutheran minister in a roomful of people including his wife. Jesus would be proud.
Made eye contact with a friendly neighborhood dog walker while violently puking out the window. How's your Wednesday going?
Watching this game makes me realize that we have yet to do Skype shots. What kind of long distance alcoholics are we?
I'm pretty sure i doubled the number of dicks I've ever touched, last night.
Mike Pence got the fuck boy eyes though
What do you bring to an "I'm getting divorced party?"
.......Shattered dreams and tequila?
“before I show up tits a blazing, what’s the sexual temperature here?“
Put on my pants to go to work and discovered they had melted.
Randomize
