last night was a success...if success means i don't remember the guy's name and my panties are somewhere in the parking lot behind the bar
I woke up this morning with "guy in polar bear j.crew boxers" written on my stomach along with a 5 digit phone number...
Next weekend I am getting a library card and staying my whore ass home.
At one point during the moaning he reminded me of Forrest Gump
Its a three day weekend with Valentines day thrown in... Im obligated to get drunk
I'm glad you trust me to be your sex stat keeper.
I'll be heading downtown with donuts and a lawn chair at 9am to go Halloween Walk o' Shame spotting.
He needs a high five right to the fucking mouth. With a chair. Or an atomic bomb.
If I get to the point of singing Man of Constant Sorrow then please god let me do it, record it, then cut me off.
I shit you not. I was sitting on Brian's balcony...still drunk from the night before, and a hummingbird flew onto the patio, stared me right in the face and flew away. I feel like it was God's way of telling me, "Stop drinking."
How the fuck can he download so much porn but not know how to find the Skype app?
I have no concept of chastity or moderation, she is a Catholic guilt poster child, how could I not try to hit that
The hotel had a helipad. Of course we had sex on it.
I just want somebody to fondle my boobs while I read fanfiction. Is that too much to ask?
After he finished, he fell on the floor and whispered "finally satisfied"
Randomize
