I gave her a mint afterward. It felt like giving turndown service at Hotel BJ.
MIND BOGGLER: batman and jesus are the same person. Think about it.
Thats two for two birthdays where I've gotten the "alcoholism runs in the family" speech
The taxi driver was cool until you left. He then started blasting enya and telling me I look like I need another line.
Every time I get scared about the fact that I'm falling for him I remember that he juggles and is hung like a mastadon and everything is a-ok.
I just sit in the cubicle for 8 hours and do keagles.
No hurry on coming over. My body currently wants everything on the inside to be on the outside. But really. Don't hurry.
I swear some just paged for more cock rings over the intercom.
I asked this couple what they would like to drink and they leaned toward me eagerly and asked if we still have THE root beer ... Idk if this is code for please add cocaine to my drink
Not a or good or bad impression, just that you were all basically naked playing beer bong in sombreros and ties. Casual.
I feel horrible. I brought her to your house like a late night pizza delivery and dropped her off.
I had sex with him and I blame the Doritos
I'm not dealing with this wiskey dick shit, 2016 is the year of hard dicks
I woke up the whole house screaming I need my shorts they found me in the kitchen with a bag of strawberries naked
I just remembered that I totally burped into someones mouth when we were making out. I was really smooth about it so he didn't notice.
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