Fuck u you updated twitter but didn't answer my text
I know you're alive
is it sad that i can masturbate and get my big O just from thinking about a Tiffany engagement ring?
I hit 10,000 texts this month.. I think my grandkids have carpal tunnel.
At the hospital. Forgot we locked Eric out of the house last night as a joke. Hypothermia's a bitch.
If people don't want my drunken phone call then TAKE YOUR FUCKING NUMER OFF OF FACEBOOK, like it's just that easy...
We wore fake mustaches and shirts that said team mustache ride to a party we weren't even invited to
Id have to say flaming beer pong was a royal success.
The guy I woke up with is wearing the same nailpolish as me...I need to stop drinking
Pretty much all i've had today is sugar and orgasms
I think my pickup truck has been used for the sex... This doesn't sit right with me.
i refuse to take responsibility for eating Chuck E Cheese pizza and having any other repercussions than the shits.
I woke up to him watching me sleep and after I told him it was over he asked if we were still on for Vegas next weekend
My alcoholism is old enough to drink.
she wouldnt leave because they were playing One Direction. I'm dating a thirteen year old.
He told us when he was 10 he started shoving bars of soap up his ass for pleasure so i winked at him
Randomize
