I dont get chicks, its like they only care about themselves and money
sounds like you understand them just fine
woke up this morning with a pool of champagne in my purse. apparently i was saving it for later.
if we break up, blackout me is coming back, making out with everything in sight
The only thing the cop asked me is..... "how are you still alive"?
Is it a step in the wrong direction to ask my parents for a kegerator for graduation?
Its all fun and games until someone grabs the electrical fence.
okay just a general question, but if i got arrested, who here would bail me out. this is important.
my boss just accepted "because it's 4/20" as a legitimate reason to take Friday off
Is it possible to rally from a drunken seizure?
I got hammered with my chem professor at 4:30. I'm pretty sure that can't be topped by any real sort of institution.
THEY AREN'T MARRIED. PUT ON YOUR HOMEWRECKING PANTIES AND GET TO WORK. NO EXCUSES.
He did a line of coke off my stomach then flipped me over and smacked my ass. Then, while he was talking dirty to me, he told me he wanted to hire someone to clean my room. And that's when he lost his boner. Life is so hard.
Some dudes just stopped and stared at me peeing in the street for like 5mins, and I yelled HEY. HEY. WANT ME TO SHIT IN YOUR MOUTH? I'LL SHIT ON YOUR CHEST FOR FIVE DOLLARS, PAPI
this is why i love drunk you
Would you consider masturbating to Hocus Pocus an adulthood high or low?
I apparently lifted the young child over my head yelling "Victory!" after that last game of pool, right before doing some Girls Just Wanna Have Fun karaoke.
Randomize
