I think we should urban dictionary "drive of shame." It involves a sprint to your car in his underwear and shirt, surreptitiously trying to put on your bra on at stoplights without attracting attention from neighboring cars, and lurking in your car a block from home so you can know when your roommate leaves for work.
Now that I'm the boss, there's nobody to yell at me for smelling like a bar in the morning.
We were all singing so you said you were going to play a percussion instrument... the crackers.
My own vomit just splashed me in the face. How's your day going
There's a difference between southern and inbred. She just doesn't know that yet.
Walking in to my alcoholic Assessment meeting with a black eye = 40% awkward 60% awesome
I'm glad we're going to catch up. too bad it's over my vagina.
My time here is complete. I think I have now thrown up in every major degree programs building
got one for peeing in public....called the cop a donut dunking communist...should be a fun court appearance
He is currently pregaming mini golf. MINI GOLF.
So the next three days will be henceforth known as the 'celebration of the end of the most irresponsible years of my life' be prepared to wake up naked in a ditch.
He told me I look like a librarian today. I hope that means he has a librarian fetish or something
Disregard. He says he said I look "agrarian" today and just proceeded to compare me to Mumford and Sons. Fuck it, I'm going home and drinking
Like do I send him a nude to ease his mind off his brother having a stroke? I'm not very good with words when it comes to consoling... I would be a terrible mother.
I gave him the white girl "you spilled my psl look" and walked away
you scattered cereal all over the floor so you could "re-trace your steps and figure out what happened." 20 min later you yelled about the mess and let the dog in to clean it up. 5 min after that you screamed since the cereal was gone. you suspected me and locked me in the bathroom so i could "think about what i'd done"
and you bit everyone who tried to let me out. no more tequila for you. EVER.
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