So we stole all of the newspapers out of the stands within a 1 mile radius and filled up her car with crumpled newspaper.
Who leaves their car unlocked at night?
Someone who wants to read the newspaper.
and i forgot to tell you that my armpit hair is now completely grown back. man i love winter.
And i laid in the yard with carrots on my chest cause i wanted a bunny
There is nacho cheese and blood everywhere.
I took 20 bucks from you because when I woke up I saw more of you than I ever wanted to see bro.
Totally acceptable.
Nothing with ever convince me that she wasnt purposely left behind by our mother to ruin my life and fuck our family
seriously though if NH has the largest penis size... the rest of America must be very disappointed.
I told you you to bring something to share....you brought tequila and a condom
I'm spending my Sunday wishing the entire Patriots offense would let me touch their manhood
U know this is gone far when im in the bathroom trying to take a pic of my asshole
My neighbor is burning all of her ex's things in a metal drum outside the window. Guess who's going to make a new friend?
holy shit I was not prepared for her to whip out that dildo
Anyone would get lost in that field after that much vodka. Trust me... I kind of feel like superman considering I even made it home. Most people would've been face down in a random oilfield. Not this guy.
Give me one good reason why I should go with you.
Free beer.
..pick me up at 8.
for future reference, singing eye of the tiger outside my door while i am having sex makes me incredibly uncomfortable
apparently not uncomfortable enough for you to stop
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