By the way the fattest man alive got married yesterday and I don't even have a boyfriend.
I forgot i ate a salad for dinner, so while i was barfing in his toilet, i kept screaming "i ate leaves?? i cant believe you let me eat leaves!"
I just put on my hot pinky lace thong... you know what that means! ;)
Oh god. Slutty you is on the run. Someone needs to alert the city.
New drink name: the Vermont Douchebag. Take shot of maple syrup, drop into cup of jager, bomb.
if I see one grey pube I'm spitting his penis out!
It was huge And he was twirling it around. Im telling you, beautiful wonderpenis
I went to the bathroom, came back, and my friend was sleeping leaning up against the stripper pole.
Well, my eyeball is red and the rest of my eye is black. Oh the joys of drinking with u. PS- I laid in a pile of sawdust. it was ok at the time.
I'M MAKING HIKING PLANS WITH THE GIRL WHO IS DATING MY EX, THAT IS PERSONAL FUCKING GROWTH
I'm graduating college in 4 days. I already miss the bad decisions
That's why i need nudes. Plutonic nudes.
I have a completly random but serious question. Can I make a paper mache mold of you ass and turn it into a pinata filled with airplane bottles of liquor? Its for my art class
I’ll always remember that day you sent me that random nude on accident lmao changed my life
you know you're sexually deprived when you're holding a warm taquito in your hand and your vagina starts to tingle
Apparently I was carrying around a bottle of listerine calling it 5 loco
Randomize
