So how come you never look me in the eyes anymore when we make love?
and you said cock pushups were impossible
i told him i was gay. he said that gay guys are supposed to be pretty.
I was just about to go down on her when she gave herself a "smell check" and said "no, not today".
Just tried to put my sweatpants on backwards...the chances of passing my physics exam just went down about 100%.
During the middle of giving him head, he flashes his phone and says "I like to watch."
This is so fucking sad. Netherlands isn't even a real country.
seeing two hook-ups in tagged in the same picture will send chills down anyone's spine.
Seriously. What did you do to me. You have a monstercoooooock.
I can't believe I just typed monstercoooooock. Twice.
She insisted on cleaning her room in the dark. 5 minutes in, she forgot what she was doing and started putting shirts on instead of hanging them up.
You're 31, how do you still outdrink all these college kids?
Practice, Irish genes, and a lack of desire to live past 40. But mostly practice.
You're about wine.
Yes, I'm like 90% wine at the moment
he kept insisting he didn't have my number, so i called his phone and my number came up as "yeaaaaaaaaah!"
Then you got drunk and shit in her car. Nothing before that matters. She isn’t calling you back.
So apparently my bro is going to make me fix his tattoo this trip... He sent me a pic of said tattoo. Tattoo is of a sperm, on his penis, which was in a woman's mouth... Wth
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