I just woke up surrounded in unopened snacks
sticking your finger down your throat to make yourself throw up is bulimia, not morning sickness, so no, I don't think you're pregnant.
Just saw a cop issuing a DUI. At 3 pm. It's definitely the start of winter break.
the only thing he could say in english were 'insert coin here' and 'game over'. i love spanish men.
It was honestly the most delicious alcohol I've ever drank, plus the added risk of going blind from methanol poisoning really enhanced the experience.
So i just got guilted into doing a tequila shot by a group of guys chanting "USA!" at me.
I was afraid that she would smell her boyfriend's penis on my breath while we were talking.
I just had cybersex with some guy from the Netherlands for 2 HOURS instead of doing my History project...how's your break going?
Its fiiine, tuesday is like the thursday of wine wednesday. And i mean, free beer for girls at the grove...im not NOT gonna take that offer up!
Look at your life. Look at your choices.
I can't thank you enough for the well-timed blowjob. What a huge improvement in my outlook on the day.
This day took a left turn at "This is your going away party, I got a bunch of blow."
I just did a shot of Jameson and two shots of cuervo. Note: this is the moment things went down hill
Is it possible to hurt your vagina working out, because I think my Dumbass accomplished that... 😯😟😒😓
Do I even want to know?
So I forgot to ask, how was that bartender you slept with two weeks ago?
Google chlamydia.
man do I wish I knew who this naked guy in my room was...
Randomize
