Operation extremely regretful is in full effect
i just walked in on my sister drunkenly sobbing to sarah mclachlan. its time for an intervention.
didn't that happen to you last weekend?
shut up.
I hope no one judges me for becoming a facebook fan of "Adderall" at 5:49 AM...
After much deliberatipn and vodka, my favourite phrase of Christmas 2012 is "penis of last resort"
I don't know if I want context or not...
Context involves faux incest and champagne. Id go into detail but im on shot number 5.
He told me that before I went to bed I needed to do my stretches and then processed to demonstrate a squat thrust, while completely naked.
What would you say is a healthy ratio of sex vs. being called a fucking asshole in a relationship?
come home. i made deep-fried hotdogs; don't let me die alone.
Was asked out on a date tonight on Linked In. That creepy genius at apple that touched my butt one time in the back stairwell. I thinks it's fair to say I've hit rock bottom.
Youre having a picnic
Yeah but all we have is vodka, so it's getting a bit out of hand.
I was telling my friend about your penis and the only word I could think of was voluptuous. You have a voluptuous dick.
We grabbed as many adult diapers as we could and made a run for it.
You know you're drunk when you're apologizing for your asshole at 4am to the toilet. Eat shit habanero bbq sauce, you've ruined my life.
Not sure who they are or where we're going but they just bought me 3 tacos so I'm staying.
The guy next to me on the bus has one hole in his jeans that has over 20 mini dicks drawn on his leg. Classic.
But what is a man profited, if he should gain Joe Biden and lose Alex Trebek?
Randomize
