sometimes I think that if I just met him. he would have a crazy realization and fall madly in love with me. what do you say? I'm not just another fan.
I love him more than I love myself. Which is a lot...Because I'm narcissistic.
I feel like he knows I had a dream about him eating me out in the janitors closet at the holiday party. He's giving me THAT look.
He just found another high guy at wal-mart. There now friends. His friend is eating a cupcake
A kid in my class brought a George Foreman and cooked food mid lecture. When the prof found out, all the kid did was ask if he wanted some.
if I die on the way please explain to my mother that I do not wear fishnets on a regular basis
I'd hate to be 100% hetero. Pretty sure they have less orgies
You were outside cuddling a rock singing Bohemian Rhapsody.
Well you finally jumped into that tree you've always wanted into and some girl gave you an 8.5. You were very happy.
Fuckin wine wasted last night. Found my pants in the toilet this morning.
Why were you not born a dude?
Because god wanted to level the playing field
OH MY GOD! I CAN FEEL A PULSE IN MY BALLS IT HURTS! ITS LIKE MINI FEMINIST NINJAS ARE ATTACKING MY BALLS!!!
so I found out I could dislocate my shoulders on demand while I was trippin on e last night...
You can fuck right off with that, "If the earthquake isnt bigger than 5.0, we native Californians dont get out of bed." I am from Chicago. I can handle freak flash floods, polar vortexes and tornados. But my bed violently shaking at 6:30 in the morning is cause for some understandable concern.
P.S. If you wake up before noon it still counts as morning sex
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