Dude. I just woke up without a shirt or bra on. Apparently I fell asleep with a quesadilla in my mouth. I can feel my liver hating me.
Sometimes I wish there were a little bird hiding that would periodically go, "creep-per."
If they made snuggies with a sleeve for my morning wood, id consider buying one...
You're such a slut.
I prefer opportunist.
So dude, she and I just got done having the most amazing sex, and then she rolled over and said that "lets make some tacos" and proceeded to the kitchen... naked... I'm buying the ring tomorrow
Even the French judge on the olympics would give that a 10
he calls his bong barack obonga, commander in kief. i found where i belong.
Go for the frenulum. Its like eating a popsicle. They go nuts with that shit.
hey as creepy as this sounds i still have your eyelashes on my desk
It looks like the misc $300 credit card fraud might have been our taxi cab driver who wouldn't take boobs as payment. No wonder...
I buy a new bowl every time I get a new guy. It's retail therapy.
He doesn't like Sabbath and that alone is a GIANT red flag. Learn from my experiences and never, I mean NEVER associate with people that hate Black Sabbath and Motörhead.
I dont understand why so many people are content staying in and avoiding alcohol and sex
These are the things that make me so grateful... that I slept with your sister instead.
I woke up and found that i was using my computer as a pillow. i had 53 pages of random letters on Microsoft word
dont go in the freezer to fetch your weed. my vibrator may or may not be in there. not sayin, just sayin
Randomize
