I miss you. Just wanted to say that before the drugs kicked in so it's legit.
Buying weed on Christmas. Gotta love Jewish drug dealers
SHE has hooked up with both me and my sister. I don't even know what to say. If she goes for my parents next I may have to kill her
its like fishing. just send her some cock shots to keep her on the hook then use tequila to reel her in
He somehow managed to bang-mail me last night. I woke up this morning to a voicemail from 1:54 a.m. of moaning and screaming. I now know how talented he is and how annoying I am to have sex with.
It's never too late to be topless.
I woke up and watched my kitten suck on his nipple. Way too hungover to intervene. He thought it was me, so he just giggled and mumbled "mmm girl."
Seriously? God I hope he wasn't lactating.
......... Poor kitty
Is "you left your socks here, please come get them" a good way of saying "come fuck me?"
I have a sixth sense for dads free balling in gym shorts
He's like a father figure to me, except we have casual drunk sex every now and then
He pulled out a red and green condom and then started humming "Here Comes Santa Claus." Happy holidays indeed.
I never realized how you can accidentally go home with someone until tequila got involved.
You tried to use him as a battering ram. I'm 99% certain that's why he left.
STOP SENDING ME NAKED PICTURES WHEN I'M TRYING TO TEACH. MONDAY TUESDAY 1-3 IS A DICK AND ARSE FREE ZONE
Went home last night with that hot British guy. Sounded like I was f-ing in a Harry Potter movie.
Randomize
