no, didnt close...
What?! she made the first move and invited you back to her place. thats like striking out in t-ball pathetic...
I had the spins so badly it was like I was having sex with 2 girls
Just ran four miles to popeye's. And back. Dedication.
I was so exhausted I thought about using my deep throat spray to stop my coughing.
You were saying you didn't want to go home and insisted that I drop you guys off at your uncles. That's how you ended up sleeping on a porch with two dudes
Went to bed with a bowl of spaghetti O's on my chest, I make my own breakfast in bed. New level of laziness
You want to get day drunk this afternoon and watch these guys build a house across the street?
Wake up. Finish House of Cards. Put on pants.
Accurate.
She's relieving herself in the laundry room. I'm really hoping there's a toilet in there...
I love the smell of your bedroom. It smells of a mixture of cherries, leather, and unrequited homosexual desire.
I don't want to just break his heart, I want to dip it in liquid nitrogen and then smash it until it's powder and snort the powder
This is the best thing we've done since that time we started a religion
Rolled over in bed this morning and found Nutella and wet naps. Why can't it ever be a fire fighter, or Jude Law.
Damn him and his beautiful face and body and penis.
Saw a thong on the yellow lines of the street when I left this morning, are they yours by any chance?
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