Nah got too drunk to function...probably could have dragged something home over my shoulder if the cops didn't roll
considering you've had every STD known to man, you think if i sent you a picture of my dick (no homo) you could tell me whats growing on it?
the people next to us in line are buying a 12 pack and a snuggie
the 24 hour champagne diet aint going so well
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He bought me flowers. The card with it said: Sorry I cant get you off. I will try harder.
I don't know if I should be scared or excited that I can officially drink vodka on the rocks like it's 7up.
Sometimes I think I'm witty and funny, and then I realize it 3pm and I'm drunk
Some male strippers are here, I threw pancakes at them. It's ok
Just woke up to find that I'd left a stove burner on for the past 6 hours or so. I'm now banned from Ambien cooking.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Sext me about skeletons
I'm kind of upset that he wanted to have sex instead of watch Harry Potter. I mean it's Harry fucking potter.
but if we have a President Trump come Tuesday, I might throw myself off the Walt Whitman Bridge so Thursday might not work for me after all.
We never leave a bad bitch behind. its a party foul..we'll find you somehow
Did you pee in the oven last night??
Where you been?
Please tell me this is a booty call
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