Best walk of shame ever - Brown Hennesy shirt, bright blue overly large basketball shorts, stilettos from night before - ended up buying a ton of 40's and a 30 pack of coors.
Where are you?
A place I should not be.
in spanish class. the girl next to me asked what Galapagos were. i told her they were islands. now she thinks Galapagos means islands in spanish
I'm going to but the new Playboy with Chelsea Handler on the cover. I'm pretty sure it's the only time buying a Playboy will make me gayer...
Go for the frenulum. Its like eating a popsicle. They go nuts with that shit.
and you're not allowed to put a penis in you if it's attached to a 26 year old who works at blockbuster
And the clouds opened up and the sex gods said I hate you alfalfa
You did a line of free coke with an obese Slovenian unlicensed cab driver in the toilets of the most questionable strip club in the country. New low man.
When you put it like that, I'm inclined to agree.
My sister was not impressed when she got here. I was standing in the doorway in my underwear drinking a beer. At 2pm. On a Monday.
I just found out via Facebook that my old dorm room is now the free condom distribution room on campus...IT'S LIKE THE UNIVERSE KNOWS!
dude my grandma just called my dealer. How does this shit happen to me
honestly my period and I are just as surprised to see each other every month
If I end up in the hospital remind me to order jimmy johns.
Why?
They deliver.
I'm not sure you count what happened last night as sex.
Ignore him I am the one that wears the pants in the relationship while "the big man" cries in bed
day drinking didnt prepare me for this..
Randomize
