she just announced that once she was paid to deep throat a light saber with a mint flavored condom on it. i'm speechless.
Ya I guess he's not a bad roommate. I mean if he wasn't here I would probably be more lazy and pee in bottles and stuff.
Definitely Got caught hugging a strangers tree last night with 5 others.
I'm taking a new approach to homewrecking... for science. Or I totally would. I have to see what happens between my ex & his brother when he finds out.
There are very few times i will succumb to laying naked on my bathroom floor. But lastnight is a resonable enough cause.
Be ready for a dog pile. On your head. With my ass.
There is a hatefuck that has the destruction level of an atom bomb raging through my viens just aching to vaporize her.
Last night you found an onion ring in your fries and then you started singing "A Moment like this"
The only times girls talk to me at clubs is when they're asking if I'm okay when I'm puking outside. Or if it's a tranny
Trimming my pubes at 1 AM, drunk, listening to Stevie Ray Vaughn. What has become of me.
Jesus christ stop updating me about every aspect of your life.
As soon as the clock wound down to zero, she declared "HALF-TIME HEAD" and pulled down my pants. After the swallow, she said "BEER CHASER," got me a new one, and asked if she could make me a sandwich. Pretty sure she's lobbying hard for a ring.
Your mission, should you decide to accept it, is to pick up rum, beer, and cigarettes. Your holiday will self-destruct if you ignore this message.
Did you just tell me you watch cartoon porn because it's more real?
I just fell out of my doorway to go to class so if that doesn't describe how my night went idk what will
Just threw up in the shower. Hangovers at 23 are the best.
Randomize
