Did Neil Armstrong say the moon was too far away! NO! He built himself a fucking rocketship is what he did!
i'm so high i feel like the people i'm chatting with online can some how see that i'm naked.
Remember how we wr so drunk last nite we cldnt find whr i shot my load? ...found some of it.
She's like a coupon for free blow jobs. No purchase necessary.
He made sure to throw up on the Mexico side of the border while we were in line at the check point. Then finished by screaming you an have it back. You can have it all back.
The kid taped his penis down so that he wouldn't get a boner while dancing with girls. Oh these middle school man whores never cease to amaze me.
I wish orgasms lasted as long as the pain from rug burn
Ever find yourself wondering if your life is God's way of telling a joke?
Haha jealous. If I could remember my dreams I'm pretty sure they would constantly be about being drunk in foreign countries
What kind of outfit says I totes want you to take me in the airplane bathroom?
My jeans are ripped and her glitter was all over me.. My walk of shame looked like I fucked a unicorn last night
Well right but if we go, he may just disappear for a long time into the unknown with the drag queens.
Other than trying to finger me on the couch in the middle of the bar a few times, you were fine.
so apparently over the course of the night my roommate and i had sex in exactly the same spot. ps the downstairs sink needs cleaning.
The longer the dick, the closer to Jesus when you’re on top.
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