I feel like your standards for women is like rent-a-centers standards for credit.
a creepy fucking ass man came up and started raven cawwing in my ear... he said it was the raven mating call. i am officially freaked out
I always have to poop after I paint my nails. It never fails.
I just realized there's an entire generation of children that will never know Alex Trebek had a mustache... Sad.
She took a break from repeating "my face is still buzzing!" to say that the phantom of the opera could be here
well i did drunkenly flip his snowmobile going 90, so i can kind of see why hes mad
hotel security told us you walked into the hotel with blood all over your dress, weren't wearing any underwear and were escorted back by three men who were believed to be "homosexuals".
A houseboat for a bachelor party is a terrible idea, we nearly die when on dry land, so how the hell are we supposed to survive a 3 day binge on a massive lake?
No Robbie is the name of a kid or dog, not an adult man who's fucking you.
Hope you had your fill for the summer my friend, because all the cleavage has been put away for the winter. Fear not; it blooms again in May.
Why do I have the 4 of hearts in my bra?
Haha we got sick of drinking on 4 is for whores so we stole the cards...I woke up with three of them in mine
drunken problem solving at its finest
Stop your judging. I got free booze AND an oil change. You're the one whose always saying we're spending too much money.
Last nights hook up turn into a star wars history lesson.. He's luck y he's pretty..
I said I wanted pizza tattoo on my ass and the tattooist asked me what I wanted on it.
Humming the Indiana Jones theme song as my hand makes its way to his dick.
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