We can make salsa ya know, maybe even some hot sauce. That doesn't mean we're married.
State Street has never looked so beautiful than during my walk of shame.
Found an earplug stuck to the inside of my thigh this afternoon. Just how much noise were we making?
can someone explain to me why i woke up under a twister sheet
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I'm not saying he has herpes, I'm just saying he slept with my friend that has herpes.
Dude, she puked up her Plan B, then reached in the toilet and re-swallowed it. That chick does NOT want a baby
eat the baked goods on the counter at your own risk... i made them while i was angry and drunk so they most likely have pubes in them
How does "I'm not drinking tonight" turn into body shots?
He went down on me while I had rollers in my hair. I've never felt more like a lady.
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First roommate to find me and dance with me will live. Battle Royale.
She's barefoot and topless screaming "HERE KITTY-KITTY" at a stray cat in the ditch on the side of the highway. How do I get her back in the car?
Cutting up lines with the edge of my birth control packet. Just reminding you this is the person you've CHOSEN to be monogamous with.
So the dog chewed my vibrator last night. It added a nice new texture actually.
You give an incredible blow job. I wanted to make sure you know it was appreciated
I caught myself caressing my own hand while nurturing a glass of bourbon. I think it's time to get back out there.
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