walked into the kitchen nd asked my mom what smells like tuna she replies" your sister" now i cant eat tuna...EVER!!!
I'm pretty sure we've had sex a bunch more times than we've hugged. So hugs are weird when they happen.
Tell me why I'm at Target and this entire Spanish family is crowding around the condoms questioning which ones they should get
I had fun this weekend too. According to Web MD, my symptoms say I had a miscarriage.
normally i would apologize for my drunk texting but even sober me agrees.
I hope your pay increase has gone through because I might need bail. This is not what I dreamed adulthood would be like.
I sent him a bunch of texts telling him that his beard wasn't long enough yet so we couldn't fuck and to text me back in a few hours if it had.
Don't judge them too harshly for getting kicked out of a strip club. Happens to the best of us.
You are the coolest girlfriend ever.
Ended up getting hot boxed in a limo with a bunch of asians going to a karaoke bar. I think I pretended to understand their language for a solid hour. Am I bilingual now?
There's a mechanical bull in the basement dude where are you
For starters i called the cops on myself for trying to destroy the ladys decorations
His eyefucking isn't even normal eyefucking; it's eye anal.
I screenshoted his dick pic the other day because it literally looked like a brontosaurus. Like that really tall dinosaur that eats grass. Like I wanna draw a face on it.
Whatever he got a sick blow job and his high school fantasy was fulfilled
And that's what dreams are made of
*hilary duff crying in the background*
No I got a fucking mosquito bite on my vagina. Summer is off to a bumpy start.
Randomize
