You gave me the wrong number last night so I texted someone else something I definitely shouldn't have.
You go to school with some of the ugliest girls I've ever seen... How are you not getting laid?
he opened the microwave and beer cans poured out
I wonder if she thought to herself "I'm gonna sleep with that guy tonight" when she watched me puke on the bar at 3 in the afternoon?
I'm using my ex boyfriends dog to find a guy at the park I could see fuck buddy potential in. I'm the queen of irony.
i am one more weekend without sex away from dosing him with viagra and locking ourselves into a closet.
Chapter 6 - how to lose your underwear in chicago
The underwear in the garbage is clean. Just wipe the pizza sauce off
we found him. outside on the balcony, sitting on a bucket, with his pants off, swearing he was'nt taking a dump
No like he has curves. I remember thinking he had a nicer body than me
If you send me one more .gif of that fumble, I will make the 10 hour drive just to set you on fire.
You are cordially invited to the annual finals week stress relief drinking binge at our manor this evening
Oh my god.. Saw a commercial for Captain Morgan. Made me gag a little bit.
i think i left you like a 5 minute message about the mcchicken burger i was eating. I think I called wanting sex but the mcchicken burger was a lot more seducing.
I could be doing way worse things besides texting him 'come over and bang my headache away'. i could be on meth
Randomize
