I just spent the last hour spooning with my drug dealer.
naighbors jacking off again. i swear its his friday night ritual, its like he knows the night wont be ending in his favor
i woke up this morning next to my toilet covered in an attempt to make blanket of toilet paper
A man in denim coveralls just shotgunned a beer on the dance floor
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I swallowed for you. Answer the phone.
Standards? I'm sitting on his couch eating microwaved ramen wearing his wife's t-shirt. I don't remember what having standards even feels like.
Two words. Shotgunning Cognac.
This has already gotten way out of hand
I'm supposed to be studying for finals but all I can think about is blowing him on a sea doo this summer
I'm sad we weren't friends when I went through my "I like drugging my friends" phase
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
how do you play pong handcuffed?
I'm still high with raccoon eyeliner eyes and chocolate all over my face and chest, clutching a mug of wine. Happy graduation.
That moment when the line ‘If you want a hot body you better work bitch’ in Britney Spears’ new song comes on as you’re using two forks to shovel enchilada into your mouth.
He said it wasn't ladylike of me to drink more whiskey than him. I told him to stop being a little bitch.
We had sex on the tiger blanket while I was wearing my Ukrainian shirt and my ass touched the Ukrainian flag. Happy 25th Ukraine!
I blame everything on you. My broken heart, my fucked up liver and my twisted mind.
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