Ninja stars and alcohol are a bad combo
i love my job...i have craft hour at my desk w twizzlers
can u grab me a application
Your friends ate a hole through an entire loaf of bread
You hit on the cop telling him you were celebrating the anniversary of your 21st birthday and ur boob job... That's how he got ur #
ah tequila...
Her little brother walked in right as I was finishing and was like "uhhh hey there's a lunar eclipse outside"
So here i am dipping ice cream in my vodka and watching the bad girls club on demand. This is not ok
Can you explain to me later why there's a pirate hat in my bathtub
Her hair goes down to her lower back and nobody was there to held it back for her. She looked like chewbacca dipped in vomit.
if creating a fake 8 year old brother, who lives with me and has had mono for the past month, to explain why I have ignored my group project members is wrong, then I... well then I'm probably going to hell
So I pull up to an apartment complex and immediately felt like I was here to get stoned.
I had a drink called "the white nun." It tasted like Marshmallows, and celibacy.
also I can check "jump into a moving car" off my bucket list if that tells you how tonight is going
Masterbating to Tolstoy. You?
You thought they were asking for volunteers for a karaoke contest so you jumped up not realizing it was actually a "last 3 minutes boxing match". But you took that right hook like a champ.
Last night was great... In the "I got videotaped making out and getting a handjob on the couch in front of 100 people." kinda way.
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