Look at my ENTIRE past
Highly public sexual behavior gross mismanagement of funds socially unaccpetable and radical speech and thought
Might as well have a blog about it at this point
She is in my trunk
Why do my orgasm prompt her to begin using babytalk EVERYTIME?!
Bought a water-proof vibrator. Rubber ducky is no longer the one that makes bathtime so much fun.
I can't wait to see you, I've been doing mouth stretches for the past 2 days
i yelled out "tuesday" during orgasim. he fucked me into 2 days from now.
She wore that goddamn strap-on all night. When she was playing guitar hero it kept getting in the way but she just wouldn't take it off.
Tequila bombs in champagne seemed like a good idea at the time.
Jesus christ how hard is BRING SNACKS AND DRUGS to interpret? I trust your judgement on this one.
We found you in the middle of the road chucking gravel because "the house was too far away".
You tripped over nothing.. everyone stopped what they were doing and stared..you stood up and yelled "you win this time gravity"..then started chugging someone's drink
Do you think it's wrong for me to hop on that dick before he realizes that he's gay?
Mom is so high she had to turn off the ceiling fan because it was going too fast and it freaked her out.
A guy at my table is reading a magazine called "Cheese Connoisseur"
He’s actually a personal trainer. He said he hasn’t taught yoga in a while but the stripper prefers to introduce him as a yoga teacher
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