What do you say about some mid-afternoon anal?
I'm convinced that Kathy Griffin and Andy Dick are the same person...
then you put baby powder on the bottom of your feet and walked to your room so "ladies would follow the footprints"
I thought the one perk of the low caliber of men I've slept with thus far in my college career is that I would never run into them in the library. I've been here for ten minutes and we're on number three.
This taco party has no tacos, just a hot asian guy in booty shorts. We were lied to.
Why would I send you a picture of it when I could just steal the gnome and put it in your bed with you? Admit it, he looks just like gnomeo!
The engagement ring savings account is now the strippers and gin savings account. What are you doing tonight?
Crap I still need to get you a wedding gift. I'm just gonna give you a bag full of cash, lube, and condoms. And I'll use furry handcuffs instead of ribbon to tie the gift bag handles together.
So I feel like I should feel objectified by your comment about my boobs but instead I just feel proud. 21ST CENTURY FEMINISM, BABY
PAAAANTS ARE FOR AAAASSHOLES
Literally just one second of unclenched butt hole away from shitting my pants.
He threw up on my head while I was blowing him, and then I started barfing, and the kitchen floor was a mess. Believe me, he will never, ever live this down.
Did you put Adderal in the fishtank in the lobby? The fish are acting like Olympic sprinters. Asshole.
We just fucked in the park on a bench and a guy with a dog walked past us and the dog walked right up to us while the guy stared at his phone.
Southwest doesn't have zingzang bloody Mary mix. I'm gonna file a complaint with the FAA
Randomize
