I love seeing the creepers that friend request me outside of facebook. its like seeing a unicorn in the middle of campus.
my life trainwreck boards at 9:30
Hey man your outta milk
How the hell do you keep getting in my apartment?!
its not a holiday until ive ruined the family picture because im drunk
I've decided I'm either going to ease him into this breakup by having a threesome with him and the girl I'm leaving him for, or be brutal and fuck his room mate. it depends how nice he is tonight.
As I was climbing out of the pool he slapped my ass and said 'stay golden', i don't know why but it felt right.
just an fyi, false alarm on the whole ghonnorea thing. you're safe.
Ok, was I really fucked up or was there a chick from Norway in the ice cream shop teaching us Norwegian last night?
My dick was almost in plain McDonald's sight
Someone brought brownies to work and I was skeptical to eat one then I remembered I was at work and there is no way there is weed in them. Haha I'm blaming you for that.
That's like doing a cinnamon challenge in my vag - but more painful.
That was awkward , having sex with her while her husband watched via Skype. I'm a porn star or a target. Idk
The shitshow that was last night is the gift that just keeps on giving
she peed her pants, took them off, the put them back on. but she only put her legs in one hole.
His face will be in my vagina later so I'm willing to forgive.
Randomize
