Uhhh...do I owe you any money? Or an apology? Or anything?
I must say, I don't like the act of throwing up, but the feeling after is quite delightful
Ya know, in a round about way coinstar is just a glorified vending machine for all my bad choices.
When you awake you'll realize that your car is missing....just know that I had it and becuz of your car I hooked up with the hot bar tender that looks like that guy from bay-watch however I parked it in a loading zone and it was towed...that sex was TOTALLY worth it love you
Apparently we both projectiled on Erin at the same time.
That's some true roommate bonding right there.
You called me 32 times last night just to tell me you felt a heartbeat in your vagina?
By the way if you come home and I'm not wearing pants, just go with it. I didn't have the energy to go searching for some.
People spilled so much that there was a thin film of beer on the floor. You took a running start, screamed, "SLIP AND SLIDE!" and slid face first through the drywall.
I'm trying. I feel like we're trying to have sex with fruitcake. dry and boring.
Can you bring me the toilet please
I told her I was going to masterbate myself into a coma... We have another date on Thursday.
I forgot to lock the bathroom door. He walked in, saw me on the toliet, nodded, and walked back out.
Just got drunk at the Cheesecake Factory again. Made me think of you.
That's the nicest thing anyone's ever said to me.
I’m drunk and naked and looking for my charger - title of my autobiography.
The people around me on the bus dont know im wearing glowsticks under my clothes. I feel like a super hero.
Randomize
