I think I left something in your back seat.... It was my integrity
the thought of Anne Coulter teabagging Dick Cheney kills me everytime.
I'm reading about reasons for wearing clothing. IS THIS COLLEGE OR PRESCHOOL?
I miss seeing your mom and dad at church, well mostly just your mom... She used to hug my face into her boobs.
I'm at the casino and some dude apparently has money in an entire row of slot machines. Its like watching a really intense adult version of wack a mole
I woke up hugging a loaf of bread and a water bottle this morning
My face left an imprint in the loaf...
just fucked two guys in less than 12 hours. i miss this part of being single.
and by single i mean slutty
She sat on the toilet backwards so that she could hold onto the back part for balance. No she's not ready to go home.
Just sent my cousin to buy me a new bra cause mine is zip tied to a bar in the middle of nowhere Iowa
I mean, that's eating your cake and fucking it too.
So you drank bourbon with cough syrup?
I still had a cough. It only makes sense
I need to get off of her emotional roller coaster. I've been on it for a fucking year and I've been throwing up the entire time.
So please don't worry, but I need some help getting blood out of my drywall so I can get my security deposit back. I would not ask if the need was not great.
He FaceTimed me fucking his new girlfriend. He was wearing a banana costume.
I'm surronded by jorts. You're probably too drunk to care. I'm gonna cry now. Love you.
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