You know your in college when you use the receipt from the liquor store as a bookmark
she kept her crown on the whole time i was giving her birthday sex
just when i thought we would make it home without incident he tried to walk a police dog
The sound guy for the band told me id make a great valentines gift for his bisexual girlfriend
When you awake you'll realize that your car is missing....just know that I had it and becuz of your car I hooked up with the hot bar tender that looks like that guy from bay-watch however I parked it in a loading zone and it was towed...that sex was TOTALLY worth it love you
He told me i had to sleep under his bed. He said it would be my castle.
I feel like i could break down a fucking wall with this boner
Soooo, coming over soon?
St Patricks day needs to be raged like youve never raged before. Like youre in the desert and it starts raining beer. Like it's the day the announced the 21st amendment (which is the one that ended prohibition)
As if right now I am a humanitarian. Full story to come in the morning. It involves sex.
I think the Predator is hunting me in my house. If I don't text you later, send Danny Glover. I love you all.
This heat and humidity do not mix with these braless DDs and a tank top at a BBQ.
Someone drunkenly cleaned and organized my car last night... Nothing's missing, so that's a plus.
Well you were already wet from trying to drink straight from the faucet, so I just put you in the bathtub with a pillow and called it a night
I'm 4,715,723% sure I don't give a fuck.
She just kept screaming and saying "fucking you is like fucking a mountain"
Randomize
