so i had a choice between studying for my physics test on fluid dynamics or spend the night with my girlfriend. hello doubletasking.
Pretty girls always come out on top. Or bottom. Whatever. Point is we come out with their boyfriends.
the only bad part about drinking alone is that in the morning there's nobody who can tell you what you did
I sold 10 pepperonis for 5 dollars last night....i fucking love drunk people
so it turns out that "condoms galore" does, indeed, come up on your bank statement
I will fight anything that is not spinning right now
you cant just puke in an arbys and not order food. thatd be rude.
oh my god. separately texting an Allie and an Ally while drunk is hard, and I'm climbed 1/2 way up a bridge pier.
just made one giant jello shot... if i have to study on a saturday night, i'm gonna do it as drunk as possible
Well I talked to some Canadians today, and I'm keeping a vigilant watch for sharks, so I'm pretty booked up.
She said I'm so hungry I could eat a dick and winked at me
Accomplishment of the day: changing my tampon at 38,000 ft with turbulence. Fasten seatbelt sign was definitely on.
Now in listening to Jerome Bettis speak at the hall of fame and my boner just started twirling a terrible towel
P.s. There are few things I love more than brand new mascara and you are one of them.
There will be plenty of opportunity for me to sexualize Mike via VenMo.
Randomize
