I was up until 12:30 making that damned grammar test for my freshmen then I caught myself running through the verb tenses when I was giving him head.
"I have sucked, I will suck, I will have suck, I am sucking..." I've never felt more like a nerdier slut than last night.
Maybe he just has a boisterous penis
what made it akward was his girlfriends dog watching us have sex
my roommate just showed up covered in dirt, drunk....with a whole ice cream cake that says "it's a girl".
Tomorrow night wont work for me. I'm talking with Bryan about marriage and I dont want to have a shroom hangover.
I'm missing some hair, but it's cool. Breadsticks are done.
I just put bacon on a thin mint and enjoyed the shit out of it. I better not be fucking pregnant.
i found you in bed eating fish fillets dipped in chocolate pudding
note to self: do not snort crushed up caffeine pills in the bathroom by yourself when ur super shit faced, ur face will fucking hate you in the morning.
That tingly feeling you're experiencing in your lady parts is my mustache. All the ladies of America are waking up feeling the same thing. You're welcome.
Were you the one who yelled "FOR GLORYHOLE!" then punched a hole through my door?
the sex got boring after the first three hours
holy shit
We will discuss everything tomorrow i presume. Including the sweaty naked tango.
You need a new phone. When you talk it sounds like the teacher from Peanuts while she's trying to give a blowjob.
Do you think Root Touch Up or Just for Men would work better on pubes?
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