I'm at the bar and I just saw some unnecessary and accidental cooter...sometimes I think girls need a license to go out pantyless in public.
He told me he could read braille... with his tongue. So I took him home. I don't think he was lying
When you're about to leave, tell him "bye." At that point, he should say something. If he doesn't say anything, well, our drinks were free and he gets a free make out with yours truly.
I walked into his living room and saw him watching the play-offs while eating tomato paste out of the can with a bottle of wine. I'm telling you to stop talking to him. now.
we were walking and you spelled the word "oats" to prove you weren't drunk.
Plus, I've always wanted to drive in rush hour with a huge cock drawn on my hood
I don't understand or I understand perfect - if were not talking about fried chicken I'm not sure what's happening.
It's like weed even makes my glasses better. Everything is so bright and clear and beautiful!
They're playing house music in my dentists office again, wtf is wrong with these people. That's not the music you want to get a root canal to
A sexy devil squat down and peed in front of Tom Hanks from Castaway.
I woke up with my vibrator in my bed so I'm assuming I had a decent night.
Never admit to being cold at those things. That is how you end up waking up the next morning naked under animal pelts... or so I have heard.
sober me doesnt really want him anymore, but when drunk me takes over, she might want him, and god only knows the shit that might happen with drunk me.
We were dancing and then he pointed to the club floor and there was money that I dropped everywhere. That was the nicest thing someone has ever done for me.
Didn't think I'd be dancing with the Power Rangers but here I am
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