She called me Spock and proceeded to ask me to 'teach her the ways of the force'. I just couldn't do it after that. No way am I fucking a girl who can't tell the difference between Star Wars and Star Trek.
I didn't exactley write on my bucket list -- "hook up with a townie at a drivers intervention program"
They were like stripper heels, except business stripper heels, the kind strippers would wear to court.
I drink way too much to have a type. Last weekend I picked up a guy who calls me "baby girl"
Why we can't turn this into a healthy friendship where I cheat on my boyfriend with you and you feel better knowing everything wrong with my life is beyond me.
I remember halftime. Then I woke up in Spain. I need a drink in order to process this.
I'll always remember you bringing me that pregnancy test in the middle of an ice storm. Best friend ever.
Either I'm too drunk or she gave me a hand job to the rhythm of jingle bells.
I was smelling my bathroom to make sure it didn't reek of weed...I spaced out and realized I was face to the wall sniffing it for 5 minutes.
At 38 I had to open a Snapchat account to communicate with my 21 yr bf. where is my life going.
So red wine goes with eggs, right? Because that's all I have in the house to cook and the drinking options are either wine or scotch
I'm somewhere between crying and wanting to orgasm.
Hey! you should come over!
Who is this? The number is saved as "Sexy Awesome"
you don't need to worry about using proper grammar if you're asking for the size of his dick.
Used my power pack to charge my vibrator so I didn't have to unplug my switch or my galaxy lamp. TECHNOLOGY!
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