My penis looks like a roll of pennies
Oh. Ok. I get the hint.
Like a roll of pennies where the paper got wet & then dried all wrinkly and weird...
Im at a strip club, and the dancer just farted into my face. The bad part about that is I could taste the wings I bought her earlier
Sorry I fell asleep again. I'm in the shower now. Door is unlocked. Condoms are in my desk. I want your game face on for when I get out.
All is not lost. The bondage chair came with repair seals and glue. It's like the knewwwwwww this would happen.
All I kmoe is rheres a coffee pot full pf vodka in my purse
So glad I decided to show up and puke in your trashcan.
These are the moments that bond souls forever.
I can dry shave vagina like a champ
Both of our knuckles were split open this morning when I came out of the blackout, the column on the porch has two new cracks in it, were like the redneck Super Smash Bros.
I can feel my teeth in 4 dimensions. I shouldnt be this high at 8 in the morning.
Before you started puking your brains out, you took a moment to give me the correct order of the Harry potter series
I'm pretty sure the guy who was grinding on me while I was trying to get a drink at he bar was one of my tinder matches
After we'd both come, we started writing a book about dragons. Woke up this morning to a full English breakfast. Can't thank you enough for introducing us
Let's just say if my bucket list had "fngered in the middle of a club by a complete stranger while being sprayed by UV paint" then that is well and truly ticked off.
She ripped her shorts off and yelled "VAGINA TIME!"
I'm about 40% drunk. You know, not drunk enough to light the bar on fire, but drunk enough to let the cougar hit on me.
Randomize
