if your leaving for the weekend then im farting on your pillow
he asked me what things i liked that he did in bed, and i told him all the things i hated so he would use it on that new bitch and she wouldnt hook up with him anymore.
you for real need to get over him dude
i was so drunk i stopped mid-blowjob to make sure he i was with my boyfriend and not some random. twice.
This sounds like "Sober" Ericka. Sorry that message wasn't for you. I only do business with "Fell off the wagon" Ericka. Please pass that message along to her.
Her husband keeps getting drunk and making out with me. Good news is I found the strep carrier. Bad news is have strep again.
It's okay, I climbed on the roof of the bar to get my shoe back. This may become a Saturday tradition. I'll keep you updated
I was in the freezer we were knocking over shit. Speaking of which i asked my boss. I can hook up with girls in the freezer
Yeah just sayin. Whenever you want to come over and wank me off you can
How do you not remember seeing the kid from our chem lab table and repeatedly yelling "lab partners for life!" at him?
Im dating a 38 year old who's lap I can fit in. Tell me I don't have daddy issues.
That's a lot of judgement coming from a man wearing a dress made from a bedsheet.
Life if anyone rolls up to my funeral with shitty weed get them out of there
We're meant to be. Apparently God wants me to get dicked down pretty good too so I'm not complaining about destiny
He made her leave because she liked Top-Ramen better than Maruchaun. He's my hero.
I like the new guy, he keeps beer in the fridge.
She said to call her, so I called her. Her boyfriend answered and traced the fucking call. I could litterally hear him yell because it turns out he lives in 4d
Don't you live in 4c?
Randomize
