Why did we buy the only spinning apartment on campus?
I just heard a girl in all seriousness say, "I told him I'm not a stalker. I just really really want to talk to him."
I'll give her a pass for the first one, but after the second threesome, she should have learned her lesson.
You're asking the wrong person. I was drunk on nyquil and jager.
Did you eat 9 cans of raviolii last night?
Come on man nobody wants to admit that
he just texted me saying he needs a place to stay for the night. pretty sure i just got booty called to my own house...
I am the kind of drunk to where i can still drive a golf cart
I'd like to believe that in some alternate universe we are living this wonderful lesbian life together..
Also, we found a geriatric Snoop Lion.
We did Irish Car Bombs out of butter trays, the influence of the retired community is astounding- I didn't know people even owned more than one butter tray.
Stocking up on Wasabi powder. Nobody's tampons are safe.
If he doesn't give you the same feelings you get when the pizza guy arrives, he's probably not worth it.
With great liquor, comes great irresponsibility. Remind me of this night tomorrow.
I woke up with a giant paw print on the side of my face, my jaw hurts, and I have no idea how any of this happened.
Of course my parents remember you. You showed them your tits
Randomize
