i am sick of getting naked and seeing how fat i am.
Let's roleplay tonight. I'll be drunken diva and you be sexy sober.
IF that's your way of making me dd then count me out.
They were fighting, but then they bumped into the bong and it shattered. After that they just hugged and cried.
Maybe I should forgo underwear.
This is a family BBQ no?
before we even ate breakfast we'd found an eighth of weed in some old purse she never uses. it was gone by lunch
Did you just buzz the apartment and throw shit at the window? Josh and rob came into my room and woke me up
Fuck you Ian. U owe me $3.65 cuz thasts what I thfrew at ur window trying to wake ur ass up. And fuck u for not giving a shit
Stripper with the black hair and lip rings is still asleep. Found out she wasn't lying when she said she was a squirter, it was like splash mountain.
Apparently we were just playing "bang a bridesmaid". I'm not sure if I won or lost...
I NEED YOU HERE TO KNOCK THE MALT BEVERAGES OUT OF MY MOUTH
But the Super Mario beer pong table is more than appropriate.
They're playing house music in my dentists office again, wtf is wrong with these people. That's not the music you want to get a root canal to
I have to go buy generic plan b after work. I don't even leave for the new semester for another 11 days. I think I just leveled up in sluttiness
I don't want to sleep with anyone. I just want a burrito
I'm ordering dildos in a santa hat. You?
I put on that one song on Titanic so he'd fall asleep. When I was positive he'd passed out in a drunken fit, he outstretches his arms and says "I'm flying, Jack.."
Randomize
