I just woke up in bed next to my teacher. Does that mean I'm passing now?
just fell over trying to sit on the toliet like a robot.
yeah, but i heard shes schizophrenic
i wouldn't even care dude, i'd fuck her and all 7 of her personalities.
I can get head just about anywhere nowadays so that's not much of an incentive, coffee on the other hand...
we hotboxed my bathroom. with nine people and two dogs.
I caught him with his head in the spinach bag this morning. He was laughing demonically saying, "i love spinach, yes I do."
When I blacked in, I was crying to my father at the swim-up bar that "I was going to win an Oscar." how do you THINK Mexico was?
It took me 3 tries to get up the front steps. They kept me motivated by waving taco bell just out of my reach. Surprisingly effective.
My liver was like a college freshman on spring break. It would've danced topless on tables if it could have.
Is a 'Dr. Willy Fister Gynecologist' costume appropriate for work?
I am now being bribed with one orgasm per every meal I eat. This is the best anorexia therapy ever
I'm going home because your Crackraptor step-brother tried getting his nasty meat hawks in my pants last night.
I do remember telling her that I was about to pass out soon and then hiding my pants under my bed so she couldn't take my wallet even drunk I'm thinking ahead
It can't be easy when an alcoholic Russian is screaming to the entire dorm "he no get hard"
God I need to hump something, right now.
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