Why do all fat girls have "that smell"?
I was curling my hair today and I looked at my curling iron and thought...
You at least unplugged it right?
What I lack in compassion I make up for in lack of compassion
You were so high at Ikea last night that you were convinced you could speak Swedish. The whole the time you were our navigator and when we got to the cashier you were hitting on the lady. When she gave you her number you told her you were saving her number as Inglfurfta cuaue she must be swedish since she works there.
Now that world cup is done, funneling out of a vuvuzela has lost its fun
It was scary, we all screamed. Never make mimosas in a car.
Do any of you want to be on a three way call with me while this girl masturbates in 10 min? You can't talk
So his "youporn" cam totally caught me stealing quesadilla leftovers.
the scent of your tears make me crave pizza
We stared down the barrel of pure insanity, took more and the electric elephant god rewarded our fearlessness by giving me golden skulls and naked women crawling out of the walls. I love acid
Just found weed in my belly button. Happy Saturday!
Being a fine ass woman in a world full of fuckboys is the realest struggle I've ever known.
The doctor basically called me a dirty dick.
The man who almost made us Eskimo sisters is getting married. Of course I'll be your date. We need to toast the end of his sex life!
IM ON THE WEIRD DRUGS AND I JUST SAW THAT TOM HARDY THING NOW I WANT TO HUMP
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