he is so obsessed with the fact that he works at Apple
i know, its like he jerks off to steve jobs
naighbors jacking off again. i swear its his friday night ritual, its like he knows the night wont be ending in his favor
I have to take his virginity. It's what God put me on earth for. It's my life mission.
12 trash cans filled with water. Beer cans floating in each, 12 ft apart. Dodgeball. Ultimate beer pong.
Rules. We have to wear superhero outfits
fun fact of the day: the man setting up my checking account at my bank has thrown up on my front lawn.
I may or may not be taking a bath listening to the Phantom of the Opera. This lovely moment brought to you by xanax.
How did it go last night?
Woke up head half shaved and a burrito? So good and bad?
i figured out i could get from the downstairs bar to the upstairs bar AND grab pizza by going through the kitchen. it was the greatest discovery of my life besides the flabongo.
He has a lot of emotional energy invested in your vagina.
I'M SO WET FOR FREEDOM
Okay well for one he didn't speak any english but before any happened he made me use the translator to consent
fuck sobriety. I want to wake up tomorrow in a park or some shit.
dude, i told you to rally, so you sprinted upstairs, knocked some girl down, and without missing a beat said, "not now bitch, im in the fucking zone" and took off
We dont have cups... so were doing shots out of bowls like puppies
Come get your boyfriend. He is hammered talking to me about hot dogs and casinos.
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