Vegas for my brothers bachelor party. Just landed and I have a boner. I'm giggly and teary eyed I'm so excited.
He wouldn't know what to do with his penis even if they made a "how to get a blowjob for dummies" guide
ya i looked horrible drunk and pregnant isn't a good combination
So he told me he didn't have a condom, paused, and then said "so, pulling out" and tried to high five me.
Putting all my energy Into finding a polite way to ask my mailman to fuck me in his car.
I am trying to take a picture of a man in a wheelchair trying to ship a michael jackson portrait
Hey sorry for being annoying last night, I just realized how many times I yelled "JORDAN!" during and after playing pong.
He came back with a Butterfinger and vibrator batteries. There's no refusing him now.
I puked in the back of my mom's new car because I had too much to drink at Chilis. I think I just hit rock bottom.
my drug dealer is also my eyebrow lady. Two birds, one stone.
You're like the Miss Manners of anonymous gay sex.
Just packed vodka and spare underwear into my purse- totally set for watching the hockey with him tonight
That was the first time ive ever slept with a girl with a q in her name
I often worry that if I get famous, people from my past will recognize me and start talking to the media
The sex would be better if it wasn’t interrupted because his home detention ankle monitor needed charging. At least I know he’s not cheating on me
Do you even hear yourself?
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