im pretty sure you tried to fart so bad you accidently pissed your pants at my party.
I closed that bar. Sang every Beatles song in the book. Made Somoan friends.
Walked by a shop giving away free donuts this morning. Best walk of shame ever
did we decide the 'sorry about the threesome' cake was too flippant?
We made the pizza boy do Jell-o shots with us. He didn't even deliver to our house, we just called him over from the neighbors
I went out as a member of the house of Gryfindor and came home as Snooki
There's no point in calling it Big Titties Tuesday if girls with big tits don't get anything special
I feel like an elephant shit on me and left me to be miserable
Rainbow fish was a wild success, got wasted at 6 gave away most my scales and made out with max from where the wild things are.You'd be so proud
I asked what you thought of her and you replied not the biggest I have had
How could she say that about my foreskin when she hasn't even seen all the cool stuff I can do with it?
Sorry man, but I'd rather do drugs with strangers than watch sports with you. It's not personal, drugs always beat sports.
I vaguely remember ordering a water at some point last night. It's good to know drunk me can still be responsible.
I JUST SNEEZED WITH A MOUTHFUL OF CHEWED UP CASHEWS AND THEY CAME OUT MY NOSE AND IT HURT AND NOW I HAVE A LITTLE NOSEBLEED
In order to get rid of my bladder infections I must give up caffeine, nicotine and tight pants. It's like my pussy is an angry dictator or something
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