don't worry, i have a range rover and a brother hopped up on steroids.. we can solve this little misunderstanding quite easily.
you were the other women for BOTH people in the relationship?
The idiot babysitter thought my dildo was a teething toy and gave it to our child.
Did you put it in the freezer again?
She was doing lines off of her friends boobs in the limo at 9 oclock on a thursday This has the potential to be the best weekend ever
Freshmen girls are like potato chips you can't have just one.
Ginormous penis in the breeze, cumming champagne showers into your eye
We hit a deer while we were singing an acapella version of "I will always love you"
Ummm, my mojito just spilled on 2 essays as I'm grading. Who says high schoolers have all the fun?
I'm calling in my "fuck at anytime anywhere" card. Meet me at my place in 20 min, wear your Waldo costume.
I mean he gave me an 'I owe you an orgasm' fist bump
Had to take him to the ER for not only alcohol poisoning but for stepping on a firecracker. Happy 4th holy fuck
Of course I'm watching space shows while stoned on the science channel. Why would I want to learn while not baked out of my skull?
We've been taking shots, cranking Marilyn Manson, and eating your bacon. Your kid is probably ruined.
I woke up to pee last night, got out of bed and proceeded to stand there because I had no idea where I was. Then, I heard my sexy as fuck personal trainers voice. Well-played blacked out me.
I sharted in court today and had to sit on it for about three and a half hours.
Randomize
