Did your girl go home? Did she have fun? Can we have our friend back?
What are you talking about? And how drunk are you?
Both
2 v-cards in one night. impossible is nothing.
i need a new camera phone. my pictures from last night are as blurry as my memories. and neither tell me why i woke up in an airplane hangar.
Her brother was practicing the clarinet....it was like having sex in a starbucks
I figured, if I'm going to wear a gold cape its pretty safe to assume I'll be blacking out as well.
Well, love is in the air. And by that I mean: it seriously smells like sex in here.
After he came all he could say was how great the lighting fixtures where in my apartment.
I don't want to hear about you making out with a high schooler. I just had the best sex of my life. My face and arms went numb in the middle of it.
You know you need to hit the gym when you're not strong enough to get the cork outta the wine bottle. And you know you're a drunk when that's the only motivation to do exercises
what's the appropriate greeting for someone whose bed you've had sex with someone else in?
I have a high opinion of you, you smash bitches. Respect.
Are you still free tonight?
Oh shit I kinda forgot and took acid
Amazon.com "suggested" I buy both nipple clamps and opera gloves.
I found your birth control, it was in your Crown Royal bag.
Randomize
