Talking to this girl is like playing minesweeper on hard. There's red flags everywhere.
the lighter is IN the bong. I don't know what to do
Maybe its all the xanax she takes but she literally has NO shame
Yea my vagina was pretty pissed at me for not taking advantage of the situation...
That dude you fucked three years ago just won Jeopardy
You made everyone who was on the patio sit on the floor and join your "ship" because you were the Captain. It was cool though. You let me be your 1st Mate.
I think I broke a hole in her wall trying to do backflips
Also, we just got yelled at by a cop for being awesome...or making out in a fountain. Whatever.
why is my forehead so bruised?
i found you outside knocking on the door with your head because you couldn't lift your arms.
I feel like god wrote up a contract of my life, and i just signed off on that shit without reading the fine print.
I feel like our low point of the night was when we had to start chasing with ice cubes and wheat thins.
She just told me she thinks she bruised her labia in class
I'm still, like... really stoked about not having any STDs
"He didn't answer my snap so I know he's arrested"
Just ignore the penis. It's won't bother you. I promise.
Randomize
