No matter how drunk I am, I will take the time to wipe a pube off the toilet seat.
Please tell me you did not just serenade her with "Let's Get it On"?
Yeah I think it worked. My penis thanks you, Captain Morgan.
Yeudjkisdjxbfceryuj. i love having a qwerty keyboard just so i can do that.
I just won Halloween Walk of Shame Bingo!
Just invented new drinking game watching Hocus Pocus... everytime they say "virgin" wetake a shot and yell out "to j****"
you want your laptop back?
are you giving me my laptop back, or cashing in on our break up sex?
both.
come over.
I just realized that the thing that smelled like an electrical fire in my house was me.
Maybe I'm just didn't notice and imagined a different penis as a Freudian coping mechanism?
do you want me to tag you in the pics from the party?
Hmm. Use your judgment. Bootlicking pics are probably not ok. Otherwise fine.
Drunk enough that you donated $50 to taco bell, because they serve a great purpose.
I'm playing drinking games with a boy who looks like Liam Hemsworth. I think I'm fine.
I'm going to preface tonight by saying that I'm sorry for tequila, shopping carts, and having to chase me.
Had to admit my broken elbow was caused by vodka, not hockey
fyi my negative pregnancy test is taped to the fridge...i'll take it over an A+ any day. be proud.
Thanks for making me a drunk burrito last night and cutting it into bite size pieces, I always knew you were a keeper.
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