He told me he could read braille... with his tongue. So I took him home. I don't think he was lying
I'm sitting in my bathroom sink, eating a tuna sandwich. He had better weed than I expected.
so just saw tiger woods pull a page out of his wifes book and hit some kid in the head with a golf club
he called AT&T to make sure that he had insurance before he threw his cell phone into the fountain.
They thought "watering it down" meant adding more vodka
plan d- we get drunk, go see that Justin Bieber movie and freak out 13 year old girls.
There is a pube in my fucking eyeball
i just want to attach a dildo to the ceiling and ride it like a gay spiderman.
I'm going to make "gut the love salmon" a common slang term for sex. Spread the word.
I'm getting offered Candy Crush lives in return for sex. Like wtf.
I'm not sure I can continue to condone our having sex in all of your friends' beds
My stripper pole led lights flash with the sound so it's awsome with music
Is it bad that I want a job purely so I can buy drugs with without feeling like I am sacrificing my future?
Why do you think I have a job?
I can't believe you won 5 grand from the casio last night and spent more than 80% on tacobell and strippers already
In any case. I fucked a married couple recently. Know what a straight person would've done there? Been super weirded out by 1/3 of the genitals there, that's what.
Randomize
