I don't believe in a God but I'm almost positive I just shit out the devil.
just saw Chris Hanson on the street. looked immediately around for video cameras. why is that my immediate reaction?
It's impossible to flirt with the bank tellers because they see how broke I am.
she definitely blew him on the riverbank, some lady floated past and said "have some pride honey", amazingly awkward
Dude, this chick, who is smokin by the way, has 4 false teeth on top from a softball accident that she can take out if she wants... Who's getting amazing head tonight? This guy!
I don't know whether to be creeped out by the fact this chick can do that, or jealous because you're getting toothless head.
I blacked out the second time 3am rolled around. My brain was taking a beating trying to do that math.
you handed me the dorito you were about to eat and told me to 'keep him safe' while you went to the bathroom
Im pretty sure he just said he wants to make a baby with me, but he's pretty shitfaced, so I'm not sure if he knows who I am.
well apperantly i passed out on the stairs shouting "victory".
Sharing a bathroom with a guy sucks. I always have to set an alarm for the middle of the night just so I can take a dump. Poop text btw
Meant to have fun, ended up giving speech about consent to guy at bar. Feminist side feels happy. Orgasms side feels confused and betrayed.
I threw up in my backpack last night, but at least it wasn't in the pizza box again
You know you've found a good drug dealer when he's willing to overnight mail to you in another state...
Is there such thing as dick sucking teeth guards?
lol show me an arrest record and I'll drop my panties
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