Doug is wearing your sports bra fyi
Milquetoast, coolest word ever.
Have u Seen that eharmony commercial where the guy goes " I don't know how I could love her anymore, but tomorrow I will'. Yeah that guy should kill himself
I am the poster child for what not to do during sex. Soon they will be calling an undesired position after me
who do i root for if I want Christiano Ronaldo to win the world cup on a team by himself and then bang chicks on the pitch?
At one point I was double fisting both beer & ice cream. I love public events in this town.
I woke up hugging a loaf of bread and a water bottle this morning
My face left an imprint in the loaf...
I don't know what the fuck is in the water in New Hampshire, but these dicks are HUGE.
I'm using the size of your dick as a guage to see how big something is on Amazon. Any questions?
Nothing like a 3am firealarm to kick a booty call out...
I am too drunk to deal with your everything. Reread this everytime you feel the need to talk to me.
I'm pretty sure that's why we have such good sex because we are secretly trying to kill each other
I went to Walmart last night to buy some CDs--which is a sentence I never thought I'd say in 2016.
he walked off and puked in the sand. then he made a sand castle over it so that "it wouldn't upset the kids"
I am real keen for none of this to be taken out of context so let’s just shut it down right now
Randomize
