I don't wanna hook up with anyone from minnesota
everybody there reminds me of mashed potatoes... white and lumpy
I was so high I couldn't tell if they were goosebumps or herpes.
not only did i soak my thesis by spilling celebratory shots on it, but i also stained it with lipstick making it obvious i tried to drink the vodka off it......dgaf, worth it.
He was having trouble staying hard then just stopped mid-sex and said "it's overheating" while pointing to his dick.
Of all the things I am low enough to do, how could you even doubt if that was one of them?
Come outside. The vendor wants to go out strong tonight! Russian hooker interviews. Don't ask. We leave in 3 minutes.
I just slow jerked to the titanic theme song, i dont think theres enough alcohol in the state to get me over her tonight
I went out as a member of the house of Gryfindor and came home as Snooki
She rode an inflatable shark down the stairs. Viva shark week.
I just want you and your enormous dick to be my fucking rebound so we can move on with our lives
I was told that I need a reference for my blow job skills. Be expecting a phone call tomorrow.
I also don't hate being called a giant sack of cheese. Is that weird?
I made him cum so hard he couldn't play video games for like an hour. I've never been more proud of myself.
The tequila monkeys have a drum solo in my skull right now. I can't imagine Emily feels better.
wait you like me?? for my personality??
I know I was surprised too
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