the stripper made me go home becuz she had to take her kid to a birthday party in the morning
You know the commpass Jack Sparrow has? The one that just points at whatever you want? Thas pretty much my moral compass.
reason #14 for loving my boobs...just got out of a 40mph over the limit speeding ticket thru a work zone. i dont think the cop knew i even had a face
I HAVE A PRESENT FOR YOU AND ITS NOT MY VAGINA
I'd rate him "doable" on a scale from "ew, run" to "you should've already fucked him".
That's about an "8" on normal scales.
Bro she gave me the stare. It's like she boned me with her eyes. I'm going in.
Winner winner, chicken dinner. I am the sole survivor of the orgy without strep. Or maybe I was the carrier?
The name of tonight's festivities is hereby decreed to be the "Honey Boo Boo Hootenanny".
When we were done he got down next to the bed and I thought he was Tebowing. He was hitting a bong that he had already loaded and hidden under the bed.
She's like a solid nine. Well maybe not a tomorrow morning nine, but she's a nine right now and trying to take me home.
literally 50% of my time being 20 has involved my genitals thus far
I saw your dick pic and thought there goes the last thread of my heterosexuality.
whenever i get involved w someone i'm gonna give you their number to testify to the fact that they should not fall in love with me
Shit happens dude.
Shit doesn't just HAPPEN on the kitchen floor you asshole.
I went to a swingers party and came home with a boyfriend. I love my life.
Randomize
