So I fucked that hot french guy last night
You do know he's the one who threw up on our table, right? You get to clean it up.
I just sniffled when I woke up and got a bump of coke. I have never felt so good hung over.
I may or may not be taking a bath listening to the Phantom of the Opera. This lovely moment brought to you by xanax.
I just smoked a bowl with the lady who runs the special olympics. Your move.
I currently need breakfast in bed, morning sex, and a bourbon and diet coke. Make this happen
Possibly having a threesome with my ex boyfriend and his current girlfriend was great closure on that subject
Our drunk hook up was interrupted by the delivery guy. When he came back to my room we ate the gyros and went back to sex like we didn't take a lunch break.
He tried to get me to go back to his place on the condition that he has 6 cats. I was very tempted but I said no. Hoping to go see the cats tomorrow
Turns out I screen transfered my streaming trucker restroom porn vid to the downstairs neighbors'TV instead of my own, damn you chromecast
I'm killing it this week, I've peed my pants and put my vibrator into the washing machine.
she just kept straddling the railing to the stairs and shouting "come on Seabiscuit, lets win this for America."
I had to pee so bad that I snuck into the bathroom while they were in the shower. At her request, he was massaging her boobs so they could grow faster. Also there was a laser light machine.
....even the bartender was embarrassed for her
Fucking a younger guy is now a game of odds. The chance that he gives me corona virus is outweighed by the evening of orgasms I know he’ll give me.
When we were in Vegas he tried to get an Elvis impersonator to act dead on a toilet so he could take photos. This is even worse
Randomize
