she asked me if I wanted a handjob on the haunted mansion ride at Disney. was I suposed to say no?
my phone is just a graveyard for last nights mistakes. at least it's giving me hints as to where i was though, i'm like carmen sandiego
We're upstairs smoking....the password is pineapple
It didn't get weird until she took off her underwear, looked down, and said "fill her up!"
No, he attached a coozie to his crutches so he can carry his beer around the party.
You do realize I got a panda tattooed on my ass just to get you laid, right?
She saves ONE person's life while blacked out and now she's positive anything can be done "while fucking hammered"
Sorry I can't go bowling with you guys. I'm getting daytime dick. That's the best kind.
Her boobs take up a lot of room so God had to skimp on the brains
I have to take a quiz before midnight. Trying to decided if its a better idea to take it now when I'm stoned or later when I'm drunk.
Now I can't say for certain but I'm 90 percent are I bathed myself with dog shampoo last night
Her alarm in the morning was Best Day Ever from Spongebob. I'm have lots of conflicting feelings right now...
I am thinking about buying a decorative chest for all our sex stuff....
Adulthood is making your own puke bucket.
I am mildly hung over. Decided pants are very unnecessary right now.
Randomize
