I love how girls just decide that guys who don't like them must be gay
I do the same thing. If a girl doesn't like me...I am like, "i must be gay"
you tried to do a keg stand and ended up flipping over it and onto the table
i think the whole apartment complex could hear you beating off last night
So apparently I ran down the hall to another party and started handing out uncooked spaghetti to strangers. You'd be surprised how many drunk people will eat raw noodles.
Don't park in the garage. I installed a stripper pole while drunk and it's kinda in the way
it's kinda bad that we're already planning travel arrangements to his funeral
i woke up next to a ladle and a packet of chocolate biscuits that my face had melted into one giant biscuit.
I am in my freshman residence hall trying to convince an Asian man to give me my pants back. Never. Drinking. Again.
This is how baked we were last night. Our drinking game: We stare at each other; first one to laugh drinks.
Between the puerto rican elf, the fat marine, the deaf guy and the ex coke head I've got a good preview if the men in this city...
Zach, it's Lisa from work. Was that you yeiling BALLS DEEP at me on I-25 or is it just something about me that invites that from rando creeps?
Btw, if I didn't have 3 limbs in restraints and my free hand offing myself with the pocket rocket, I would have snap chatted you. Next time.
He was late, on account of he accidentally went to the Al-Anon meeting across the hall, and it took him 30 minutes to realize he was in the wrong room.
We can't do acid Disneyworld.
Did you happen to find my bra? I'm pretty sure I still had it on before we left that bar
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