My goal for the party is to get everyone in a diaper. Reasonable?
Just drove past a church with a sign near it that said, "God wants to be your daddy."
did i really try to jack off an athens police horse last night? please tell me youre kidding..
Let's just be mature adults about last night and never speak of it again.
you two started sword fighting with 3 ft tall spruce trees you pulled out of planters
Dude.. You paid a stripper $50 to listen to you cry last night.
Down at Ground Zero right now. So many people here. It's the most patriotic game of grabass Ive ever seen.
Sorry I was drunk and left blood all over your back seat I was pretending to be in private Rayan and used your thong as a bandage
dude there's no way we're going back in there for your puke shoes
OH YEAH AND FORGOT TO THANK YOU FOR THE lack of WARNING THAT HE WASN'T CIRCUMSIZED.
Mike is so stoned. I just heard him quietly mutter to himself "rock a piss" as he walked down the hall to the bathroom
I just ate a dove chocolate and the wrapper said "chocolate: always your valentine" WHAT KIND OF JACKASS WRITES THESE AND WHY MUST THEY MOCK ME?
I feel like I'm laying on a pillow cloud. With little baby angel fingers between me and the cloud lifting me up. Singing hymns in my ear.
He has great stamina, he knows how to use his tongue, and he's hung like a goddamn Pegasus. I can overlook the man bun.
You rolled over grabbed my crotch and said "that's my waffle." I'm sleeping on the couch next time.
Randomize
