So im at the gym and some guy has a tattoo of a hand doing the shocker... The douche bag bar has been raised yet again.
You came on your own forehead. Just wanted to remind you that.
Its a bummer that corporate america doesn't believe in $2 u call its on a Sunday night
his extensive knowledge of the age of consent laws kinda scares me....
i was congratulating myself on not falling down the stairs when i walked into the wall. it's like one step forward, two steps into the fucking wall
If this week is any indication of my life here I've got to get out ASAP. My liver can't hack it.
We have to have sex while I'm dressed as a tiger. It's one of my life goals
and i'm going to kill you for what you did to my nipples last night. of course i want to hang out
my last clear memory of the night was being offered a shot but having so much alcohol in my hands that someone literally had to pour it in my mouth for me. after that it pretty much skips to waking up face down and shirtless on my floor.
Taking my underwear off at work was one of my better decisions this weekend
She kept calling herself DJ McDonalds and said she wanted to make some Egg McMusic.
YALL MOTHERFUCKERS WANNA WATCH HEAVY METAL AND SMOKE WEED AND PLAY POOL AND DRINK BEER AND SMOKE WEED
If I could tell my younger self three things it would be: 1. Smoke a lot more weed 2. Have a lot more sex 3. Own a good set of pots and pans
he went down on me WHILE i ate BACON PIZZA! best. boyfriend. ever.
Can’t. It’s taco and dick night.
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