Shitting during a conference call is so empowering.
pshh wine cellars. now if he has a tequila cellar whole different story
dude, i think i am in a porno. I was working out at the hotel gym and some chick was doing yoga and a guy comes up and says "good, now i know your flexible" then they started making out. WTF?
I swear god or herbie drove my car home
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I'd like to come home and be able to sleep in a bed that's not filled with crumbs from you getting too high and passing out while eating. This is seriously getting ridiculous.
It's not every day you get to see a girl fuck herself with a pickle.
Dont worry about the blood on the pillow. its from my face.
gorilla chasing a banana on crotch rockets. Halloween is getting way too real
Our first crop came in on the day that they added Hercules to Netflix Instant, I think it's the universe telling us that it approves of us growing shrooms in our guest room.
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Somehow my drug dealer is stuck in my air-vent and now everything smells like patchouli, weed, deoderant and sweat.
So apparently when I'm drunk and want water I pant like a dog and expect to have water given to me..
I just wanna be euthanized
Thas it
I was trying to sext but got a notification that my dad and professor both commented on my Facebook photo. Bad timing.
dude me and this dog are gonna go bond oon the tramplene with stromboli... i think everyone is staring at me... being this high is SO stressful
I woke up using a beer can as a pillow. successful party?
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