also, i may or may not be wearing a cape right now. hint: i am.
Jon just got arrested by the quesadilla police
What?!?
What I actually meant, is I had a quesadilla, and Jon got arrested by the real police
Some great men died of syphilis. I accept your compliment.
He still lectured me about forgetting shit. Than he said he's gonna paint me green so I can stand in a corner and be a plant.
I drove 5 hours to see her. She thanked me by getting shitfaced, inviting her boyfriend over, and making me sleep on the couch after I cooked for them and did the dishes. You're right. I'm a fucking doormat.
If you haven't seen a huge black man in tiny red snowflake shorts that barely cover his dick, then you don't know what I'm going through.
So I know we're not talking about this anymore buuuuuut I left heel marks on the wall.
HOW DO YOU GET TO BE A GROWN-UP AND NOT KNOW WHAT A DECADE IS!?
I'm sure we could go all project runway on our diapers and create some flattering absorbent thongs. We could do it on the Boat. Call it project rumway.
We hooked up for a while and on his way out he high fived me and said "stay weird"
Can we both just take a day off just to have sex? Is that acceptable as an adult?
"He's not as cute as he was last week" and "I'm not as drunk as I was last week" are basically the same sentence.
Adderall went through the wash. Took it anyway. Wish me luck.
He is married, and has a regrettably large penis. I need to find another one right away to get myself out of this mess.
How big does a penis have to be before it becomes regrettably so?
Is it good porn? Or is it more of that fucked up Cabbage Patch Doll porn you made us watch
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